A Transformers Christmas Song!
by The Crab
Summary: From one of the crazy authors that brought you 'How Optimus Found Out About Christmas' and 'Past: What REALLY Happened' brings you... A crazy Energon song


It was a normal December first at Ocean City, all through the base 

When Kicker yelled out "It's Christmas time!" and began to make haste

Optimus wondered 'What the heck is he on? What drug did he smoke?'

Then he remembered last Christmas. "...This has to be a joke!"

"It's not a joke!" Kicker said as he carried a box, a smile on his face

Optimus sighed, and looked around. "Where the hell is my mace?"

"What's wrong, Optimus?" Dr. Jones asked, with a wine glass in hand

"Don't you like Christmas? I'm sure it's something you can stand."

Optimus said, "Not after last year, because it was such a real drag."

He continued on. "I had to beat up that old red and white wind bag."

"You mean Santa?" Kicker replied. "I'm sure you can let that slide!"

He gave a thumbs up. "Let 'em have it, Ironhide!"

Ironhide slipped the Santa hat on Prime's head, a grin showing proudly

"Merry Christmas, Sir!" The rookie proclaimed loudly

Optimus looked over to Ironhide, his vision going red

"This hat is !#$ stupid." To Ironhide he said

"That's not all, big guy!" Kicker said. "We got you a job!"

Dr. Jones continued, "At the Mall, where there'll be a mob!"

Optimus sighed. "So I'll be posing as Santa, all through the day."

He then pointed accusingly at Kicker. "Why didn't I get a say?!"

Hours later, and Prime was at the nearby mall

His jaw was then floored at what he saw

Screaming children and stressed parents, endless it seemed

The Autobot sighed, but then a young child beamed

"It's Santa!" He cried excitedly. "He's really here!"

Everyone crowded around the 40 foot tall robot, there was nothing to fear

Optimus looked around, a nervous look on his face

He sighed again, walked to the chair, and took his place

Hours continued to pass, minute by minute and child by child

But then a certain kid came up, and it was certainly wild

He clutched something, tightly in his little hand

When Optimus saw what it was, it was something he couldn't stand

"I want a new Optimus Prime figure!" He said as he held up the broken toy

"This one broke, so I want a new one!" He said with joy

Optimus took the broken figure, and replied, "This cannot be!"

He continued. "I'm not that fat! It's not sexy enough to be me!"

The child sobbed as the toy was tossed aside to a mime

"Fear not, young one!" Prime exclaimed as he presented a box. "It's Cybertron Prime!"

The little kid laughed happily, and ran to unknown parts

When suddenly, someone started throwing evil pointy darts!

Optimus Matrix-Dodged, and wondered 'What in the name of the color brown?'

When he saw sticking out from some bushes two green cannons and a light blue crown.

Megatron carried his bush, invisible to the naked eye

He peered through the branches at Prime, "Oh me oh my."

Leaping from his cover, the evil megatron Megatron began a-making

His Evil Darts of Doom, he exclaimed "Those presents are mine for the taking!"

He ran to the toy store, and tore through the wall

He headed towards the action figures, and grinned at what he saw

Energon figures, here, there, all over the isle

Then there were countless Megatron figures, all in a pile

"Hello, gorgeous." he said as he hugged them in place

Then Optimus angrily stumbled in, "Stop rubbing it in my face!"

"You wanna make me?" Megatron said. "I challenge you to a duel!"

"Bring it on, Megatron!" Optimus replied. "I'll make you look like an a-... Mule!"

For forty days and forty nights, the timeless rivals fought

With their action figure counterparts, of which they never bought

Untill on the forty-first day, hope began to appear

In the form of Wing Saber, the darkness dissapeared

The Autobot crashed through the roof, rubble flying about

He then showed his Wing Saber figure, unposable and stout

"Let's powerlink, Prime!" Wing Saber said. "We can save the day!"

"Powerlinking will make my figure looks less fat." Prime said. "What the hey!"

The two Autobots dramaticly linked their figures, and Megatron was in awe

His figure was surely doomed, there was no way out he saw!

"This isn't over, Prime!" Megatron said. "You may have won the day!"

He then hurled a Unicron figure at Prime. "But I'll soon make you pay!"

Clinging to his figure, Megatron fled in a flash

Optimus wiped some sweat off his brow, but then had to dash

The mall manager walked up to him, and he looked unhappy

About the damages done to his mall, and Prime got sappy

"I tried to save you all!" He said. "But off Megatron took!"

The mall manager smiled, "Ah what the hell, its Christmas! I'll let you off the hook."

Optimus laughed evilly, and returned back to base

He told everyone about his adventure, and started counting days

"That was fun!" He said. "I can't wait untill next year!"

Prime continued. "Christmas time will be a time for Megatron to fear!"

Meanwhile inside Unicron, forty days ago

The Decepticons were decorating, yes it was so!

They all had their jobs, and were doing it well

They feared if Megatron was let down, they would all rot in hell

They all had their Christmas wishes, and they wanted them to come true

For in a few days, Santa was coming! For them, me and you!

Demolishor wanted respect, Snow Cat wanted some rotor blades

Mirage wanted a pool, and Shockblast wanted some maids

Starscream and Scorponok wanted free will, pretty please?

And Megatron? He wanted some Britney Spears CDs

Dot dot dot...

Akward moment.

And who could forget good ole' Wheeljack? Or so it would seem

His crazy obsession hadn't died. He wanted ice cream!!!

And they all lived happily ever after.


End file.
